Myself or Somebody Else

I've celebrated my birthday 3 days ago...The day I turned into a quarter of century. Hahaha I like to use that phrase instead of telling people that I'm turning 25 (nampak macam gempak). Though I didn't get to celebrate my birthday (balik keje nearly at 1 a.m a day before and going back to work at 7 a.m) but my colleagues at the office is trying to cheer me up with buying me cake and singing their lungs out..Seriously, I think they need to stick with their daily job..hehehe I still love you guys though my eardrums suffered some trouble because of the singing. There are also adorable gifts from my twins and manager. But I cannot stop myself from laughing when I think about it.

My twin, Che Nun decided to give me books about cat coz she knew that I am a cat lover. One book in particular is a book about cats and wigs. She tell me to take some pointer of how to be a lady from a cat... But the best gift I get is from my manager, she decided to give me a lipgloss from Dior collection.FYI, I did not wear any lipstick or lipgloss. I feel that I look like a pig if I wear lipstick (quoting Joe Biden's sarcastic remarks to Sarah Palin). There was a hidden message behind the lipstick. It was with intention for me to start acting like a girl...Cess

I always know since I was in school that I am not the typical girlie girl who likes to wear make up. In fact I started to wear heels and mascara when I start working (takkan nak gi meeting muka macam mak lampir??). I know that I can be harsh sometimes, be it physical or with word. I can punch harder than any guy next to me. However, over time I try to portray myself as an independent girl but not too girlie (I tak kuasa nyah nak lembik-lembik ni..Penat!). I still remember one advice given by my bestfriend. She said "If you want a boy to like you, then you have to be girlish and dependent to them. Guys don't like tough chick". Huh! Biar betul?? But come to think of it,I do think what she told me is true.

Though I appreciate advice and gestures by all my friends, I can't be a girl that they wanted me to be. Susah ar nak jalan control pastuh nak cakap slow-slow. I'm not Paris Hilton and I can't act dumb though sometimes I do wish that I can be a bimbo...Hakhak ada gak orang buat wish macam tu...I stand guided in what I believed in and I prefer being me than being somebody else. I don't give a damn if I don't attract any guys rather than I have to fake myself to be miss girlie-girlie..Tak rela mak!!

Benda Bodoh

I love to do stupid things. Sometimes I do believed that if I do stupid thing it would then become not stupid thing. Hahaha this is a case of mind over matter, my friend. Over nearly a quarter century of my life (oohh, I sounded really old), I had done thousands if not millions of stupid things. Sometimes I do laugh about it at the end of the day but most of the time I feel like smacking my own head for doing such things.

Depending own what I do, some people might think that what I've done is weird and there are some people who thought that the thing I did is kinda cute (hehehe maybe because I'm cute)..However, I do believed that by doing the stupid things we would end up understanding ourselves and becoming a better person, though some people might not understand it..

Like pepatah orang melayu ada menyebut "Biarkan si Luncai terjun dengan labu-labunya"..haha I like that pepatah though it always been associated with a negative connotation, but look on the bright side, do we really know what si Luncai thinks at that point in time? Do we really understand his feeling when he decided to take a risk and jump into the river with his pumpkins? For me Luncai is a brave guy, no matter what other people say. And though he died of drowning, I still thinks that he deserved to be called a hero caused he decide on his own life and not anyone else. He died as a free-man and not as other person's hostage.

Monologue of lost soul

I think I'm overstress..Yes its because of my work..Though I had sign my life away with the devil when I accepted the position, I never knew that it would turn out to be this way..Trying to be positive and looking for all the good things in life but the stress are so powerful that sometimes I forget how to enjoy life. I forget what is like to go out and have fun. I can't even remember when my last holiday is and how does it feel. Sound pathetic, do I?

Gonna be 25 in few days. I was hoping (or more like praying) that something wonderful would happen to me. But I don't really believed in magic coz I know magic doesn't exist. I need all the energy I can get to stay awake and positive. I'm fully drained and had lost my way. I need guidance but there is no where to look for.

I am looking for the light at the end of the tunnel...Will there be a light when I reached there??
I look up and try looking for the silver lining in the sky, but I couldn't see any. Have I been blinded by the bright light?